National elections were held just yesterday. It's been an especially contentious election season. So many important issues have been the focus of national debate. Debate might seem like an extremely tepid or overly polite way to describe what's been occurring. Some days, it's more like food fights in a high school cafeteria!
Some of the issues that have been tackled are health care, immigration (except for Native Americans, we all got her through the process of immigration), voter suppression and gerrymandering, the #MeToo movement and all the broad strokes that surround issues related to women, reproductive rights and so much more.
I've been listening to the rhetoric and trying to pay attention to what's underneath the strong feelings and the words that are used—words that often are hurled at each other across an ever-increasing divide. Let's just take one of the issues: reproductive rights. Many feel the terminology typically used can be misleading: pro-life and pro-choice; and those people say that nearly everyone is for life and that it's a matter of who makes the decisions. So I've been thinking a good deal about what exactly the term pro-life means to people. I suspect if I asked 10 people, I might get 10 different answers.
I'm curious: What does it mean to you? For me, pro-life covers such a broad range of things—for example, attention to such issues as hunger, poverty, homelessness, child abuse and domestic violence, education, health care, gun laws and gun violence, just to name a very few. I see what happens throughout the life of that child who's born as a matter of concern. For me, it's more than simply having a child born; it's about making sure that child is safe, loved, cared for and has the best chance at quality of life that's possible. And in this wealthy nation of ours, I believe high quality of life IS possible if we have the will to see to it.
I would love to hear what you think about this and other issues. It's so easy to repeat rhetoric—words and phrases—that we hear politicians or others say. And sometimes we don't really examine those words to see what is underneath them. It's important to do so and to be sure the words we use really are authentic to us.
Showing posts with label life questions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life questions. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 7, 2018
Wednesday, August 15, 2018
How do you want to live? And die?
I'm reading a book titled Being Mortal by Atul Gawande, and it's definitely resonating with me. Why am I reading it? Over the past couple years, it's been recommended to me two or three times by people whose judgment I trust. When that happens, I generally take notice. I'm really glad I did. Last week, when it was recommended to me again, I went straight to my local library.
Gawande, a practicing surgeon, opens up the world of end-of-life issues and in the process, talks about how to improve life itself. He looks at the type of decisions that need to be made when one faces cancer, for example. Rather than a one-size-fits-all approach, he argues that people want quality of life and that will differ for each individual. So he says we should consider questions such as: What are my fears? My hopes? What do I want my last days, weeks, months and years to look like? What are my goals as I age? What's most important? What am I willing to give up to have what I want?
If we can answer questions such as those, we can work together with medical staff to come up with treatments that are right for us. And, if we can answer those, we can improve quality of life right now!
I have a dear friend facing breast cancer, and I also have several other friends in various stages of cancer treatment. Some choose experimental drugs. Some go the traditional route. Yet others want to try alternative therapies. If I were facing some form of cancer today, I honestly don't know what I would decide to do. But I think these questions are excellent ones to consider. In fact, I would argue that we shouldn't wait until we have some medical issue or emergency to ask (and answer) such questions. We should give it some thought now, record it and keep it in an accessible place—and we should let our loved ones know. It's never too early for such conversations with family and/or friends. And it's never too early to change our lifestyle and make choices that improve our quality of life right here, right now.
Gawande, a practicing surgeon, opens up the world of end-of-life issues and in the process, talks about how to improve life itself. He looks at the type of decisions that need to be made when one faces cancer, for example. Rather than a one-size-fits-all approach, he argues that people want quality of life and that will differ for each individual. So he says we should consider questions such as: What are my fears? My hopes? What do I want my last days, weeks, months and years to look like? What are my goals as I age? What's most important? What am I willing to give up to have what I want?
If we can answer questions such as those, we can work together with medical staff to come up with treatments that are right for us. And, if we can answer those, we can improve quality of life right now!
I have a dear friend facing breast cancer, and I also have several other friends in various stages of cancer treatment. Some choose experimental drugs. Some go the traditional route. Yet others want to try alternative therapies. If I were facing some form of cancer today, I honestly don't know what I would decide to do. But I think these questions are excellent ones to consider. In fact, I would argue that we shouldn't wait until we have some medical issue or emergency to ask (and answer) such questions. We should give it some thought now, record it and keep it in an accessible place—and we should let our loved ones know. It's never too early for such conversations with family and/or friends. And it's never too early to change our lifestyle and make choices that improve our quality of life right here, right now.
Monday, July 23, 2018
'Live the questions'
I have a dear friend who has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. Someone told her that this is an opportunity to live as though all bets are off. It is really causing her to reflect on questions such as what to change, if anything, in her life. She's asked some of us, her friends, to reflect with her on that and other questions, such as: What are the most delicious parts of your life? What would you like more of? Less of?
Another thought she's had is what if the manifestation of her tumor were all the tears never cried and laughter never laughed? How can one add more laughter and tears into life? It's important to be honest and real about our emotions. Many of us have learned to hide them and carry on as though everything's just fine, thank you very much.
The journey my friend didn't sign up to take but has been drawn into also pulls those of us who are her friends onto a new path. It is a privilege and an opportunity for those of us who love her to also delve more deeply into our lives, to look more closely at why we're here and to live life more awake and aware.
It's time for me to dig out my journal and pose some of these questions as discussion starters for myself. At the same time, I'm aware of what poet Ranier Maria Rilke so wisely said:
"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer."
Another thought she's had is what if the manifestation of her tumor were all the tears never cried and laughter never laughed? How can one add more laughter and tears into life? It's important to be honest and real about our emotions. Many of us have learned to hide them and carry on as though everything's just fine, thank you very much.
The journey my friend didn't sign up to take but has been drawn into also pulls those of us who are her friends onto a new path. It is a privilege and an opportunity for those of us who love her to also delve more deeply into our lives, to look more closely at why we're here and to live life more awake and aware.
It's time for me to dig out my journal and pose some of these questions as discussion starters for myself. At the same time, I'm aware of what poet Ranier Maria Rilke so wisely said:
"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer."
Monday, January 1, 2018
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year to you! No matter how you spend your New Year's Day, whether you make resolutions or not, whether you are into reflection or introspection or not, here are a couple questions that might be worth some thought.
What was last year like for you? For what are you hoping in the year ahead? Carl Jung said that "where you stumble and fall, there you find pure gold." Did you stumble at all? Did you find gold? What did you learn about yourself through those experiences? Did you encounter roadblocks or get stuck? Did you meet someone who helped you? Did you let go of any inner (or outer) "trash"—things you no longer need, believe or want to carry around? Letting go can set you on the bridge to new freedom if you let it. And don't we love new beginnings?
Here's to a serene, beautiful year for you—filled with moments that absolutely take your breath away!
What was last year like for you? For what are you hoping in the year ahead? Carl Jung said that "where you stumble and fall, there you find pure gold." Did you stumble at all? Did you find gold? What did you learn about yourself through those experiences? Did you encounter roadblocks or get stuck? Did you meet someone who helped you? Did you let go of any inner (or outer) "trash"—things you no longer need, believe or want to carry around? Letting go can set you on the bridge to new freedom if you let it. And don't we love new beginnings?
Here's to a serene, beautiful year for you—filled with moments that absolutely take your breath away!
Wednesday, December 20, 2017
Embrace the questions
I find such joy in reading the words and wisdom of others and then running it through my own experiences and filters to see what it might be saying for me—and what I might even pass along to others from that endeavor.
Mark Nepo is one of my favorite authors and poets. He is so honest and real, and that helps me dig down beneath any masks and beliefs that really no longer work but that I may not yet have shed.
In his book Seven Thousand Ways to Listen: Staying Close to What is Sacred, he says: "So being here involves more than just reacting to the things that come at us. It requires that we initiate a love affair with all that calls to us, seen and unseen; that we run with open arms into questions and moments of living as urgently as we do burning buildings to retrieve who and what we love."
Despite my best efforts to stay awake and be truly present each day, I often feel that I do too much reacting to what comes at me. I sometimes avoid the questions I should be asking because deep down I know they'll be uncomfortable and may lead me somewhere outside my comfort zone. So I like the image of running "with open arms into questions." Hmmm, what might that lead me to?
How does that strike you?
Mark Nepo is one of my favorite authors and poets. He is so honest and real, and that helps me dig down beneath any masks and beliefs that really no longer work but that I may not yet have shed.
In his book Seven Thousand Ways to Listen: Staying Close to What is Sacred, he says: "So being here involves more than just reacting to the things that come at us. It requires that we initiate a love affair with all that calls to us, seen and unseen; that we run with open arms into questions and moments of living as urgently as we do burning buildings to retrieve who and what we love."
Despite my best efforts to stay awake and be truly present each day, I often feel that I do too much reacting to what comes at me. I sometimes avoid the questions I should be asking because deep down I know they'll be uncomfortable and may lead me somewhere outside my comfort zone. So I like the image of running "with open arms into questions." Hmmm, what might that lead me to?
How does that strike you?
Monday, February 27, 2017
'Ripe for transformation'
As you can tell from my website, I'm really big on transformation. There are so many pivotal moments in our lives that make us ready for transformation—real turning points.
So when I read in Mark Nepo's Seven Thousand Ways to Listen: Staying Close to What Is Sacred these words, I took notice: "... once we admit that we're not sure where life is taking us, then we are ripe for transformation. Then we are shapeable. When losing our way, we frequently retreat and withhold or take what we think is a safer path. This often complicates our confusion. An old woodsman told me that the reason most people get lost is because they don't go far enough. They doubt where they are and change direction too soon. Somehow we are called to lean forward by what little light we are given."
Have you ever felt somewhat lost or confused about where your life is going—or where it should go? I suspect we have all had some questions at some point in our life journey. The important thing is to just stay open. Look for clues. Listen to that voice inside—and to trusted friends and loved ones. Follow the light.
Stay open. And let yourself be ready for transformation, ready for direction, ready even for surprises! Who knows what's possible when you let yourself be OK with confusion and that feeling of being temporarily lost?
So when I read in Mark Nepo's Seven Thousand Ways to Listen: Staying Close to What Is Sacred these words, I took notice: "... once we admit that we're not sure where life is taking us, then we are ripe for transformation. Then we are shapeable. When losing our way, we frequently retreat and withhold or take what we think is a safer path. This often complicates our confusion. An old woodsman told me that the reason most people get lost is because they don't go far enough. They doubt where they are and change direction too soon. Somehow we are called to lean forward by what little light we are given."
Have you ever felt somewhat lost or confused about where your life is going—or where it should go? I suspect we have all had some questions at some point in our life journey. The important thing is to just stay open. Look for clues. Listen to that voice inside—and to trusted friends and loved ones. Follow the light.
Stay open. And let yourself be ready for transformation, ready for direction, ready even for surprises! Who knows what's possible when you let yourself be OK with confusion and that feeling of being temporarily lost?
Friday, October 28, 2016
Let's bridge the divide
We've talked here before about the importance of finding common ground. It seems particularly important these days when that which divides us has been underscored far more than that which unites us. The political rhetoric and the media's use of polarism to boost ratings doesn't help us bridge the divide as we try to build connections.
In his book A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward An Undivided Life, educator and author Parker J. Palmer speaks of creating "circles of trust" (safe spaces where we can talk honestly and openly). He says one condition for such circles is the "creation of common ground on which people of diverse beliefs can explore issues of the inner life." Further, he says that "as we create open ground that welcomes diversity, we cannot allow people to wander aimlessly. The soul wants hospitality, but it also wants honesty, wants to engage challenging questions that we would prefer to avoid. How can we keep the circle open to diverse views while keeping it focused on difficult truths?"
Palmer uses the seasons as a metaphor for framing such explorations. In the fall, nature drops and scatters seeds. We, too, might think about the "seed of true self," as Palmer calls it. And in winter, we think about dormancy and what it might mean to name what's dead in us and how we might "winter through." He calls spring "the season of surprise" and invites us to look at the "both/ands" of life. Summer, of course, is a season of abundance and first harvest. He says it's a time to ask, "Whom is this meant to feed? Where am I called to give my gifts?"
Palmer's words and his metaphors offer much as we think about finding common ground. I highly recommend this book, in fact, as we work toward better listening and building bridges rather than fences.
In his book A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward An Undivided Life, educator and author Parker J. Palmer speaks of creating "circles of trust" (safe spaces where we can talk honestly and openly). He says one condition for such circles is the "creation of common ground on which people of diverse beliefs can explore issues of the inner life." Further, he says that "as we create open ground that welcomes diversity, we cannot allow people to wander aimlessly. The soul wants hospitality, but it also wants honesty, wants to engage challenging questions that we would prefer to avoid. How can we keep the circle open to diverse views while keeping it focused on difficult truths?"
Palmer uses the seasons as a metaphor for framing such explorations. In the fall, nature drops and scatters seeds. We, too, might think about the "seed of true self," as Palmer calls it. And in winter, we think about dormancy and what it might mean to name what's dead in us and how we might "winter through." He calls spring "the season of surprise" and invites us to look at the "both/ands" of life. Summer, of course, is a season of abundance and first harvest. He says it's a time to ask, "Whom is this meant to feed? Where am I called to give my gifts?"
Palmer's words and his metaphors offer much as we think about finding common ground. I highly recommend this book, in fact, as we work toward better listening and building bridges rather than fences.
Wednesday, October 12, 2016
Talk to me! What are you thinking?
What's on your mind these days? What topics are absorbing you? What consumes most of your energy? What discussions do you and your friends have that engage you right now?
I counted up the number of blogs I have written for Way2Grow Coaching since I began posting them in 2012. Before I wrote yesterday's, I had done 1,246 blogs. The topics arise from things coaching clients have brought up, from conversations I've had with friends and acquaintances, from my readings, from current issues in my life, from issues in the news, from past issues I've faced and many other sources. But here's where you come in: I would love to know what topics you would like to see addressed in these blogs. What would be helpful to you? What questions are you asking these days? What's on your mind or in your heart?
You can post your responses in the Comment box below (no one will see your name or email unless you choose to leave your name or email within the message itself). Or you can simply send me an email at sonia@way2growcoaching.com and let me know what's on your mind. Another option is to go to my contact page and send an email from there.
I'd love to hear from you! I'm listening.
I counted up the number of blogs I have written for Way2Grow Coaching since I began posting them in 2012. Before I wrote yesterday's, I had done 1,246 blogs. The topics arise from things coaching clients have brought up, from conversations I've had with friends and acquaintances, from my readings, from current issues in my life, from issues in the news, from past issues I've faced and many other sources. But here's where you come in: I would love to know what topics you would like to see addressed in these blogs. What would be helpful to you? What questions are you asking these days? What's on your mind or in your heart?
You can post your responses in the Comment box below (no one will see your name or email unless you choose to leave your name or email within the message itself). Or you can simply send me an email at sonia@way2growcoaching.com and let me know what's on your mind. Another option is to go to my contact page and send an email from there.
I'd love to hear from you! I'm listening.
Monday, October 3, 2016
A stance of curiosity and openness
Have you noticed that at this stage of your life, you have more questions than answers? And are you learning to be okay about that? Do you keep a list of your questions—or at least some of them?
One of the 38 women who wrote in the book I mentioned earlier this week, Women Confronting Retirement: A Nontraditional Guide, Carole Ganim, put it this way:
"I have examined my life and looked at its next stage and made plans to participate actively in its evolution. The future is alluring and the possibilities for that future are multiple. I have always wanted to know all the answers, especially the answers to the big questions: Is there a God? What is the meaning of life? What is goodness? What is truth? Who are we? Why are we here? I know I will never have the satisfaction of getting answers, but I am still excited about the questions and I still want to find ways to look for answers. I have enthusiasm for what comes next and I can't wait to see what it is. I was once asked to write my own epitaph in a group exercise. I wrote: She kept looking."
Are you still looking? Do you still have a strong sense of curiosity? Do you feel you're still open and searching?
One of the 38 women who wrote in the book I mentioned earlier this week, Women Confronting Retirement: A Nontraditional Guide, Carole Ganim, put it this way:
"I have examined my life and looked at its next stage and made plans to participate actively in its evolution. The future is alluring and the possibilities for that future are multiple. I have always wanted to know all the answers, especially the answers to the big questions: Is there a God? What is the meaning of life? What is goodness? What is truth? Who are we? Why are we here? I know I will never have the satisfaction of getting answers, but I am still excited about the questions and I still want to find ways to look for answers. I have enthusiasm for what comes next and I can't wait to see what it is. I was once asked to write my own epitaph in a group exercise. I wrote: She kept looking."
Are you still looking? Do you still have a strong sense of curiosity? Do you feel you're still open and searching?
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
Got questions? Need help?
Sometimes being a life coach is a little like being a teacher. I don't always know what the long-term effect of my work has been. Sometimes at the time of my work with a client, that person will tell me what a difference our work is making or has made—and in specific terms. Many times, however, the work is a process. We begin it ... and the client can take it from there.
Sometimes a client will circle back and tell me how things are going after our work is finished. But most times, that doesn't happen.
So it was fun for me to come across this factoid in my recent AARP magazine: "85—the percentage of life coaching recipients who were somewhat or very satisfied with the experience." All right, then. I am glad to hear that.
I've worked with a life coach myself. And most likely, I will again at some point. I know how effective it can be to have someone with no skin in the game listen to what's going on for me and ask questions that get me to think about things in a new way. It helps me stand back and see things more clearly. It gives me a different perspective. And sometimes it helps me let go of ideas that aren't helpful so I can come up with solutions that fit better where I am now. It helps me bust some myths, too.
Please feel free to contact me if you feel stuck or want help with any issue in your life. I always offer a complimentary strategy session with absolutely no obligation, too.
Sometimes a client will circle back and tell me how things are going after our work is finished. But most times, that doesn't happen.
So it was fun for me to come across this factoid in my recent AARP magazine: "85—the percentage of life coaching recipients who were somewhat or very satisfied with the experience." All right, then. I am glad to hear that.
I've worked with a life coach myself. And most likely, I will again at some point. I know how effective it can be to have someone with no skin in the game listen to what's going on for me and ask questions that get me to think about things in a new way. It helps me stand back and see things more clearly. It gives me a different perspective. And sometimes it helps me let go of ideas that aren't helpful so I can come up with solutions that fit better where I am now. It helps me bust some myths, too.
Please feel free to contact me if you feel stuck or want help with any issue in your life. I always offer a complimentary strategy session with absolutely no obligation, too.
Friday, July 29, 2016
Acceptance is so important
Recently I heard a brief presentation that cited a study done on world leaders. The study found that 75 percent of the leaders whose lives were examined had been abused, raised in poverty or had some type of physical impairment. Those things hadn't held these leaders back.
That raises the point for us that it's less about what happens to us—and more about what we do with what happens to us. It's more about how we accept life situations and where we take our lives because of those things.
What cards have you been dealt in your life? Have they held you back? Or propelled you forward? Are you who you are despite those things—or perhaps because of those conditions?
It's worth reflecting on what we do with what we have—and how we face those things that appear to be negatives in our lives.
That raises the point for us that it's less about what happens to us—and more about what we do with what happens to us. It's more about how we accept life situations and where we take our lives because of those things.
What cards have you been dealt in your life? Have they held you back? Or propelled you forward? Are you who you are despite those things—or perhaps because of those conditions?
It's worth reflecting on what we do with what we have—and how we face those things that appear to be negatives in our lives.
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
What's your life purpose?
Studies show that those who have a solid sense of purpose for their lives live healthier lives and add years. Interestingly, studies also show that the U.S. does not rank in the top five countries whose citizens feel a strong and consistent purpose in life. You will be surprised at the top five: Panama, Costa Rica, El Salvador, Brazil and Denmark. Don't fear, however. You don't have to be discouraged by that. Make some choices for yourself.
Research also shows that meaning in life generally develops in adolescence for most people and continues through life. It also takes time so that people in later stages of life report greater meaning than those who are younger. Perhaps that's no surprise. We grow more comfortable with ourselves and our experiences as we age.
Also no surprise: We help ourselves by helping others. This gives our immune systems a good boost.
If you're not quite sure about your purpose, think about what lights your fire. Just try new things. You'll learn what fits. Go with your skills. Or you might try picturing yourself as a very old person who's looking back over your life. What did you do that truly gave you joy? Or what do you regret not doing that would have brought you joy? And if you'd like to discuss this, I invite you to contact me for a complimentary strategy session.
Research also shows that meaning in life generally develops in adolescence for most people and continues through life. It also takes time so that people in later stages of life report greater meaning than those who are younger. Perhaps that's no surprise. We grow more comfortable with ourselves and our experiences as we age.
Also no surprise: We help ourselves by helping others. This gives our immune systems a good boost.
If you're not quite sure about your purpose, think about what lights your fire. Just try new things. You'll learn what fits. Go with your skills. Or you might try picturing yourself as a very old person who's looking back over your life. What did you do that truly gave you joy? Or what do you regret not doing that would have brought you joy? And if you'd like to discuss this, I invite you to contact me for a complimentary strategy session.
Thursday, May 12, 2016
Live with passion
Recently I heard someone talk about the importance of living life with passion. I've been thinking about that a lot since then.
To me, that means not sleepwalking through life. It means being awake and aware, at least as much of the time as is possible. It means noticing the people who cross my path and people my daily existence—really noticing them. It means really listening. Savoring the moments. It means living in gratitude for all the gifts I'm given each day. And it means looking for the beauty that's there every day and just needs me to notice it.
Living with passion also means feeling deeply the things I see, hear and experience. It means being open to all my experiences—letting them soak into me. And being open to others.
There's so much more I could say. But this is a blog, not an ezine! What does living with passion mean to you? You might have fun thinking about this yourself.
To me, that means not sleepwalking through life. It means being awake and aware, at least as much of the time as is possible. It means noticing the people who cross my path and people my daily existence—really noticing them. It means really listening. Savoring the moments. It means living in gratitude for all the gifts I'm given each day. And it means looking for the beauty that's there every day and just needs me to notice it.
Living with passion also means feeling deeply the things I see, hear and experience. It means being open to all my experiences—letting them soak into me. And being open to others.
There's so much more I could say. But this is a blog, not an ezine! What does living with passion mean to you? You might have fun thinking about this yourself.
Friday, March 25, 2016
Choosing life
A book I was reading for inspiration threw out a good question this week to ponder. It seems especially relevant now after yet another terrorist attack in Europe and with daily reports of murders, bombings and refugees fleeing war-torn countries trying to find safety for themselves and their families. And that's not even to mention all the mass murders we have in this country on a regular basis.
Then we have the books and TV shows in which violence and murder play a central role. And in U.S. TV shows, at least, nothing is left to the imagination. Everything is pretty graphic. In many ways, it doesn't seem a far cry from the days in which gladiators fought to the death or lions were set loose on prisoners as a stadium of people watched.
The question is this: What does it take to choose life in a world that so often chooses violence and death? In reminds me of an Old Testament verse found in Deuteronomy 30: "...I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Choose life...." (verse 19).
What would it mean to choose life? I suspect it's not a once-and-done decision, right? We may have to make that choice over and over and over. And some days, perhaps we don't make that choice. And how does that feel?
I'm still thinking about the question. What would you answer?
Then we have the books and TV shows in which violence and murder play a central role. And in U.S. TV shows, at least, nothing is left to the imagination. Everything is pretty graphic. In many ways, it doesn't seem a far cry from the days in which gladiators fought to the death or lions were set loose on prisoners as a stadium of people watched.
The question is this: What does it take to choose life in a world that so often chooses violence and death? In reminds me of an Old Testament verse found in Deuteronomy 30: "...I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Choose life...." (verse 19).
What would it mean to choose life? I suspect it's not a once-and-done decision, right? We may have to make that choice over and over and over. And some days, perhaps we don't make that choice. And how does that feel?
I'm still thinking about the question. What would you answer?
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
The lure of life questions
Ever notice that when your attention is brought to some life question or issue, you see that question or issue pop up often?
Not so long ago, I was asked by one of my pastors to give a short talk in worship services about my calling and how my particular gifts and talents are being used in my life. Since that day, I've noticed lots of writings and heard some conversations on callings and purpose. The subject just seems to pop up everywhere now.
Because I am seeing so much about that topic, it's making me look again at what I said in worship that day. I was fairly certain about my current calling when I spoke. Now I wonder if there might be more for me to discover.
Although life questions and the quest that follows them can raise my anxiety level, these things also intrigue me. There's always more to explore and discover. The lure is there. Yes, the fear and anxiety often are there, too. But I want to remain curious and open to new directions, too.
What are your experiences with life questions, with the idea of callings and purpose? This isn't necessarily about vocation or career. Our purpose may well relate to what we do in our family life, our volunteer time or in community activities. I'd love to have you share your experiences in the Comment box below. I need your wisdom to help me discover mine!
Not so long ago, I was asked by one of my pastors to give a short talk in worship services about my calling and how my particular gifts and talents are being used in my life. Since that day, I've noticed lots of writings and heard some conversations on callings and purpose. The subject just seems to pop up everywhere now.
Because I am seeing so much about that topic, it's making me look again at what I said in worship that day. I was fairly certain about my current calling when I spoke. Now I wonder if there might be more for me to discover.
Although life questions and the quest that follows them can raise my anxiety level, these things also intrigue me. There's always more to explore and discover. The lure is there. Yes, the fear and anxiety often are there, too. But I want to remain curious and open to new directions, too.
What are your experiences with life questions, with the idea of callings and purpose? This isn't necessarily about vocation or career. Our purpose may well relate to what we do in our family life, our volunteer time or in community activities. I'd love to have you share your experiences in the Comment box below. I need your wisdom to help me discover mine!
Monday, September 14, 2015
What's worth remembering?
I know I'm not the only one who forgets things. Sometimes I walk into a room intending to get something and totally forget what I went there to find. Or I forget a fact or a name, often only temporarily. So many others around me complain of the same thing, most citing old age as the cause.
I don't necessarily think age accounts for this. I also believe our minds are crammed full of too much detail. We have more stimuli coming at us and from so many more sources than any past generation. If only we could do what we do on our computers: just hit "delete."
I don't know what the answers to this problem might be, although I do think it's important to be gentle and forgiving of ourselves for this. Nothing is gained by internally beating ourselves up for these memory lapses. But it may help to make some choices as to what we want to remember or don't want to retain. When I read novels, I don't necessarily have to remember all the detail of the book once I've finished it—unless I'm leading my book club's discussion for that month. I don't need to remember what I heard on the news about the latest scandal of a Hollywood star. You no doubt have your own list of what's unimportant to retain.
Recently I read a question that really struck me as one worth my reflection: If your mind were a suitcase and could only hold five things, what would they be? This is a good life question for me to roll around in my mind. I don't have my list yet, although I'm quite certain most of them would involve people I hold dear. What do you think? What's on your list?
I don't necessarily think age accounts for this. I also believe our minds are crammed full of too much detail. We have more stimuli coming at us and from so many more sources than any past generation. If only we could do what we do on our computers: just hit "delete."
I don't know what the answers to this problem might be, although I do think it's important to be gentle and forgiving of ourselves for this. Nothing is gained by internally beating ourselves up for these memory lapses. But it may help to make some choices as to what we want to remember or don't want to retain. When I read novels, I don't necessarily have to remember all the detail of the book once I've finished it—unless I'm leading my book club's discussion for that month. I don't need to remember what I heard on the news about the latest scandal of a Hollywood star. You no doubt have your own list of what's unimportant to retain.
Recently I read a question that really struck me as one worth my reflection: If your mind were a suitcase and could only hold five things, what would they be? This is a good life question for me to roll around in my mind. I don't have my list yet, although I'm quite certain most of them would involve people I hold dear. What do you think? What's on your list?
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Claim your space
It's often said that our culture celebrates youth—and that aging adults feel stigmatized and pushed aside. While that may well be true, as you and I age, we get to make choices about how we present ourselves to the world. We get to choose what type of role we're willing to accept.
Will you and I accept a victim role and apologize for taking up space, for staying in a job "when someone younger might need it," for believing that we still have much to offer in our families, communities and world? Or will we see that we really do have much to offer? Will we look for ways to claim a new place in all those areas we inhabit?
Richard Leider, co-author of Claiming Your Place At the Fire: Living the Second Half of Your Life On Purpose, says, "The place of respect that elders are accorded in traditional societies represents a sharp contrast to how older adults in our society are often seen.... It's not just that they are acknowledged by their people; that is a given. As important, they claim themselves as vital resources for their communities."
He also says it's time for us "individually and as a group of people in the second half of our lives—to create a new picture of vital aging."
What a wonderful challenge. What are you doing to "create a new picture of vital aging"? Are you asking some of the large life questions such as "Who am I?" and "About what am I passionate now?" It's great to ask such questions and see what your new life purpose may be once you've entered that new land called "retirement." That phase of life is being redefined, and you and I get to reinvent what that means for ourselves. Isn't that exciting?
Will you and I accept a victim role and apologize for taking up space, for staying in a job "when someone younger might need it," for believing that we still have much to offer in our families, communities and world? Or will we see that we really do have much to offer? Will we look for ways to claim a new place in all those areas we inhabit?
Richard Leider, co-author of Claiming Your Place At the Fire: Living the Second Half of Your Life On Purpose, says, "The place of respect that elders are accorded in traditional societies represents a sharp contrast to how older adults in our society are often seen.... It's not just that they are acknowledged by their people; that is a given. As important, they claim themselves as vital resources for their communities."
He also says it's time for us "individually and as a group of people in the second half of our lives—to create a new picture of vital aging."
What a wonderful challenge. What are you doing to "create a new picture of vital aging"? Are you asking some of the large life questions such as "Who am I?" and "About what am I passionate now?" It's great to ask such questions and see what your new life purpose may be once you've entered that new land called "retirement." That phase of life is being redefined, and you and I get to reinvent what that means for ourselves. Isn't that exciting?
Monday, August 17, 2015
'The examined life'
It is said that we spend the first half of our life creating ourselves—observing others, learning from others and deciding what personas we'll take on, what masks we'll wear, how we will live our lives, etc. And we spend the second half of our life unlearning a lot of what we learned and discarding many of our masks and personas along with some of the ideas and beliefs we had accumulated along the way. The second half is more about letting go.
Interesting, isn't it?
The first years we build a container and fill it up. And in our later years, we empty it out—and, one hopes, get to the core of who we really are and were meant to be.
This doesn't happen automatically. Those who live what's called "an examined life" experience this. It takes real authenticity and intention to reflect on your life and see what things are no longer working for you, what belief systems take you away from your true self and who you really were created and called to be. It takes hard work to reflect deeply on all this and make the choices necessary to get to the core of who you are. It takes courage to let go of the limiting beliefs and fears you have accumulated. I know. I'm working hard to do this myself—and facing some real fears in the process!
Where are you on the journey? Are there things you wish to change and let go? What's your first move? As always, if you wish to talk about this, please contact me for a complimentary strategy session.
Interesting, isn't it?
The first years we build a container and fill it up. And in our later years, we empty it out—and, one hopes, get to the core of who we really are and were meant to be.
This doesn't happen automatically. Those who live what's called "an examined life" experience this. It takes real authenticity and intention to reflect on your life and see what things are no longer working for you, what belief systems take you away from your true self and who you really were created and called to be. It takes hard work to reflect deeply on all this and make the choices necessary to get to the core of who you are. It takes courage to let go of the limiting beliefs and fears you have accumulated. I know. I'm working hard to do this myself—and facing some real fears in the process!
Where are you on the journey? Are there things you wish to change and let go? What's your first move? As always, if you wish to talk about this, please contact me for a complimentary strategy session.
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Mindfulness, meditation & stillness
So much is said and written these days about mindfulness and meditation—how it can reduce our stress and open us up to greater creativity. Such a variety of practices exist for both these things, so it's wise to find whatever works for you.
Some mindfulness practices are physical. Some are not. And meditation practices differ. Some encourage you to simply concentrate on your (deep) breathing and keep your mind blank and free from thoughts. I don't know about you, but I've never been able to totally keep my mind free from thoughts. Attention to breathing and repeating a phrase, or mantra, reduces the activity of my brain for a time. But that's the best I can do.
So when I read this in Brené Brown's book The Gifts of Imperfection, I resonated: "Stillness is not about focusing on nothingness; it's about creating a clearing. It's opening up an emotionally clutter-free space and allowing ourselves to feel and think and dream and question."
She goes on to say: "Once we can let go of our assumptions about what stillness is supposed to look like and find a way to create a clearing that works for us, we stand a better chance of opening ourselves up...."
If you're able to go completely still (inside and out), more power to you. Keep it up. But if you're not, perhaps Brown's way of "creating a clearing" may work better for you. I can envision my mind like a room full of clutter—and begin to clear out some of the stuff to make room for dreams and questions. That works for me. How about you?
Some mindfulness practices are physical. Some are not. And meditation practices differ. Some encourage you to simply concentrate on your (deep) breathing and keep your mind blank and free from thoughts. I don't know about you, but I've never been able to totally keep my mind free from thoughts. Attention to breathing and repeating a phrase, or mantra, reduces the activity of my brain for a time. But that's the best I can do.
So when I read this in Brené Brown's book The Gifts of Imperfection, I resonated: "Stillness is not about focusing on nothingness; it's about creating a clearing. It's opening up an emotionally clutter-free space and allowing ourselves to feel and think and dream and question."
She goes on to say: "Once we can let go of our assumptions about what stillness is supposed to look like and find a way to create a clearing that works for us, we stand a better chance of opening ourselves up...."
If you're able to go completely still (inside and out), more power to you. Keep it up. But if you're not, perhaps Brown's way of "creating a clearing" may work better for you. I can envision my mind like a room full of clutter—and begin to clear out some of the stuff to make room for dreams and questions. That works for me. How about you?
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
It's the questions
Finding answers used to be so important for me. You, too? Now I love the questions ... and often the answers aren't even the important part. It's what I learn along the way when I play with the questions that provides lots of wisdom. And when I say, "I don't know," others share their life wisdom.
I like what one of my favorite writers says about it, too. Anne Lamott says, "The theologian Paul Tillich famously said that the opposite of faith is not doubt but certainty. And I can vouch for that—I think. Getting older has given me more comfort in not knowing the answers. I throw up my hands more often now; I shake my head in wonder at how inscrutable life is."
As a high achiever from childhood, this is still a challenge for me. But I do embrace the idea and slowly, slowly, I'm learning to say "I don't know" to questions. It's a good practice. And there's so much to learn from doing that. I'm trying to stay in a stance of openness.
So bring on the questions. Yes, even the large life questions....
I like what one of my favorite writers says about it, too. Anne Lamott says, "The theologian Paul Tillich famously said that the opposite of faith is not doubt but certainty. And I can vouch for that—I think. Getting older has given me more comfort in not knowing the answers. I throw up my hands more often now; I shake my head in wonder at how inscrutable life is."
As a high achiever from childhood, this is still a challenge for me. But I do embrace the idea and slowly, slowly, I'm learning to say "I don't know" to questions. It's a good practice. And there's so much to learn from doing that. I'm trying to stay in a stance of openness.
So bring on the questions. Yes, even the large life questions....
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